Investing

It's a soft whisper. A slow swell, similar to the ocean waves rolling onto the beach. More personal with each passing moment. So honest and revealing that I often feel moved to tears. Deeply convicting, yet without condemnation.

That is often how I hear His voice. Well, when I give Him a moment to speak. When I put me, myself, and my circumstances away for a second.

Sometimes I can feel Him getting ready to speak. Getting my heart ready and preparing me. He's kind, you know. Gentle. Days before I can tell He's trying to get through to me. I suppose I need a little while to get ready. I get unusually quiet, involved in my thoughts, and sensitive. Sometimes the sensitivity overwhelms me a little...small things hurt my feelings, everything seems personal. But perhaps my "wall" has to be torn down a little in order for me to hear Him clearly. I'm still learning how to be sensitive to Him and Him alone when He starts speaking. Not everything from Him takes so much time or is as difficult to hear. Mostly when I need to turn the volume down on life and agendas for a while. And that takes me some time.

This particular lesson? Investing. Whatever I invest myself in (my time, my money, my heart, my prayers, myself) will become dear to my heart. So if I want change in an area, I need to invest in it. Too often I complain or vent to Him about a certain situation or person and expect Him to do all the work and me to watch Him. Sure, He does that sometimes. But He deeply wants to involve me in what He's doing. For me to meet Him where He is and join Him. I want change in a certain area. Am I there when they need me? Do I pray? Did I really devote it to prayer? Not just pray, devote...to attach myself, to consecrate and set apart, pour myself into. How much time did I invest? How much of me do I invest?



It is hard to care for something you are not investing in. (Kendrick, 14)


So easily I spout my complaints. But I learned something deep, ugly, and selfish about myself. I need to stop investing outwardly for the recognition it gets. I need to start investing inwardly, with more prayer and alone time with Him, for the change it brings to me, the things it endears to my heart, and the closeness I get from just spending more time in His presence. It's amazing how you start to care deeply about something you spend time really honestly praying about and putting time into.

It's time to start investing.